For Individuation, it’s helpful to understand that as a human being you’re not simply a chaotic mass of different feelings, thoughts, and impulses, but that there is a structure and even a veritable system within us.
First, we distinguish between:
- The ego
- The Self
- A multitude of different parts
Parts
Many people experience a conflict of needs around closeness and distance: on one hand, we need and want closeness with other people; on the other, at some point it becomes too much and we need our space. Those are already two parts with different needs, and then there are parts that ask: Am I allowed to say “no”? Why can’t I experience closeness with others?
The Ego
The ego is the consciousness within us that experiences the feelings and thoughts of these parts and is more or less identified with them. Identified means being so merged with a part that the ego experiences no difference between itself and the part — or put differently, that we take the part’s feelings, thoughts, and impulses for our own and completely forget the existence of the other parts.
When the ego is somewhat less merged with the parts, it can notice that there are several aspects to a situation. For example, someone may well be aware of the conflict of needs or goals described above and not always be fully identified with one side. We then say things like: On one hand I want this, but on the other I also want that.
When the ego has this degree of freedom and overview, it normally begins searching for solutions to this conflict of goals, not infrequently through inner actions.
But there’s a trap here: the ego quickly becomes identified with further parts that, for example, feel overwhelmed by the situation or want to find a quick solution — be it ignoring, suppressing, complaining, distracting…
Over time, you’ll notice that while there are many inner parts that try to help through these strategies, they ultimately cannot.
The Self
But there is an entity within us — you could also call it a state — from which both healing and the resolution of conflicts of goals and needs become possible. This being is the Self. The ego can connect with it and then, from that place, enter into a healing relationship with all parts. For the parts of a person can receive healing from that person’s Self. They feel seen, heard, empathically understood. Once the ego has found the Self and identifies with it, a healing process begins, guided by the wisdom and creativity of the individual Self, one that can heal even the deepest wounds and confusions.
The Ego and the Self
When the ego has found the Self, it has found itself. It is a state of being oneself, and from there, integration and healing can happen. This state is very rare in our everyday life but can be deliberately practiced.
The Accompaniment
If you engage in this kind of Individuation work, the accompaniment essentially consists of supporting your ego in recognizing whether it is currently identified with a part or with the Self. Noticing this difference is genuinely not easy, but it is essential for healing work.
There are many self-like parts within us that sooner or later learn to imitate the Self. With the best of intentions, they too want to be there for the other parts of the system in a healing way, but they truly cannot.
A very important step is to find this self-like part as well, to lovingly accept it, listen, and help — but from the Self.
Can You Accept the Part Exactly As It Is?
This is one of the key questions in the accompaniment. The Self has the empathy, strength, and patience to accept all parts exactly as they are. This is both the prerequisite for truly helpful support for the parts and a good way to find out together whether the ego has already found the Self, or is still identified with another part — for example, one that wants a quick solution.